They say that insanity is doing the same thing, but expecting different results. I guess that would mean that most of us are insane. With kids, it sometimes feels like I might just go a little crazy, especially when school is out and we are together non stop for days on end. We are having a fun summer though. It definitely was full of uncertainty for most of it, with the whole California situation. Ultimately though, Jason finally decided that he was not ready to move across the country. Of course, I had my doubts too. Especially when we would visit my newly widowed grandpa, and he would beg me not to take the girls away from him, and tell me how my grandma didn't want us to move. I can't believe how hard and sad it was to hear my grandpa like that, and to know how much it would upset him if we did move.
When Jason told me that he no longer wanted to move, I was good with that decision. All our family and friends are her. We know the area well, and our town was just voted the number one town in the country to raise a family by Family Circle Magazine. Obviously, it is a great place for kids. But, now that the reality has set in that we will be staying, I find that there are so many things I feel like I am missing out on by staying here. I know that I might feel the same way if we moved, and see all that we really were giving up.
I think a lot of my restlessness comes from the fact that nothing is changing. I need a good change once in awhile, and I have felt the need for something big for awhile now. I love that I can stay home with my kids, but I also feel like I want a piece of my life back for myself. I am almost there. All the girls will be in school this year, so I will have a couple hours to myself each morning, but as any mom knows, a couple hours is barely enough to get caught up on household chores. I am ready to go out and do something for me. I don't know yet if it will be going back to school myself to brush up on my photography skills, or finding a fun job with mom hours, so I can be home when the girls are. But, this will have to wait for another year until Jenavieve is in school all day.
I feel like our family has been in a rut. Every year is the same, with Girl Scouts and swim lessons and school and homework and all the other activities we fit into our schedules. It would be nice to have at least a change in scenery and weather. I think a move would have been great for our family, but I also realize that we are very fortunate to be where we are. So, for now, I will enjoy where we are, and our last couple weeks of summer. I know another school year will be here and gone in a flash, and I will have the chance to do something for me soon enough.
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